Rambling While in Between

A few months ago I was confronted with comments that I've heard throughout my entire adult life. One of my co-workers was making jokes towards me and I got bit riled up, so, I decided to increase my vulgarity. To be specific, I said, “Fucking say it,” due to the fact that she was hesitant to repeat the joke. When I lashed out it appeared as though I had fallen into a trap. The co-workers reacted sarcastically to my revelation of annoyance.

For that second I was vulnerable to the bite of a shark. She said what I have always heard from all types of people, including my own: “Oh you black now?” the co-worker said. The individual proceeded to call me “Reggie.”

“Do you know what a Reggie is?” the co-worker said. The thing I feel shameful to say is, yes, I do know what a “Reggie” is. I also know what an “Oreo” is. I also know, according to various counterparts of all kinds of races, what “not being black enough is.” Another co-worker decided to join in and add that the reason the comment was dropped was because people didn't hear me curse before, and that I sounded intelligent. This is when I suppressed the urge to throw up and decided to fight back. I said the following quotes: “Does Barack Obama curse? Does Colin Powell curse?” “You don't have to curse and say the N-word every other sentence to be Black! I don't know about you, but I'm proud to be intelligent.”

The barrage of comments seemed to take everyone aback, as if I offended my surrounding co-workers, albeit caught them off guard. All and all, what I found interesting about the whole situation was that I was, whether jokingly or not, being put down for coming across as an intelligent well-spoken black man, by other black people. I'm disappointed to even share this with those who are willing to listen, especially in this age of our first black President.

Am I crazy or is there something deeply wrong with the mere notion that I was and pretty much always have been criticized for coming across as an intelligent black man, by black people? I've made it no secret that this has occurred throughout my youth. The intricate part of it all is I thought as I got older it would get better and people would magically become more open-minded; my fault on that assumption.

What I felt was the realization of one of many racial and stereotypical battles within America and the black community that still has to be fought. And yet, something just doesn't feel right as I'm typing this. It's 2009, and I'm writing about how I was ambushed for coming across as an intelligent black man.

The day after the situation, a co-worker said sarcastically something along the lines of, “Oh he's a thug, I'm scared of him.” I couldn't help but think, “Am I crazy or did this (black) woman honestly criticize or simply make fun of the fact that I don't come across as a thug?”

There are multiple ways to place the blame for these occurrences, multiple points of view, copious amounts of questions with different kinds of answers. Could it be the never ending divide between suburban and urban black people? Is it the way blacks are still portrayed in the media? Is it the stereotypes that attempt to brainwash us all? Or maybe, just maybe, it's jealously? Nah, I guess it couldn't be that (sarcasm alert).

Either way, the mere implication of a black man and woman being looked down upon and ridiculed by their “own people” for having the ability to construct a sentence is alarming. Guess what people of all races; those “kinds” of black people are still black. In fact, not only do black people in the “not black enough” category have to deal with racism from other races, they have to deal with ridicule from their “own people.” I've said it once, and I'll say it again, regardless, I am a proud black American who takes pride in coming across as “intelligent and well-spoken,” I'd rather say normal.

If that unfortunately offends certain groups of people then that's a shame. And to those co-workers, whether they were joking or not, the fact remains that this isolated moment is a part of larger issue that must always be addressed. The funny thing is, at work, I moved passed my moment of vulnerability, we get along, at least I think so,.I know how it is (though hopefully this time I'm wrong). I'll work and get along with my co-workers, only to be made fun of behind the scenes for the qualities I possess. I'm happy that intelligence is one of them. However I feel as a community that's part of a larger community, we all must look at these occurrences and whenever it comes up simply ask the perpetrator, “Are you crazy?”

- J.B. Hyppolite

“Man, I love college, ay! And I love drinking, ay! I love women, ay! Man, I love college.” Truer words have never been spoken by Asher Roth.

And so, it's been one year since I graduated college, and you know what? It sucks. Life isn't going the way I envisioned and everyone is telling me that I will find my way this and I will find my way that, and I know that I will. But right now, as I type this rambling rant, I can say with every boiling cell in my body that I am pissed about not having a full-time job. I know that writing jobs aren't the easiest jobs to get in the first place.

But you know what? Almost everyone one I know has a hookup through a family member or friend or and has a full time job, living their "happy-I-can-go-out-and-be-young-and-drink-and-fuck lives," while I'm still looking for a full-time job.

I'm not jealous of others, so much as being frustrated with myself. While this is not where I want to be at 23 years old, I just want to say that I am grateful for the opportunities I have been given. I have been freelancing with a local newspaper that had the balls to give me a chance and I am contributing to a magazine with a message I truly believe in. I have a home, I have a mom, dad, and sister who love me, I'm able to walk, I'm breathing, I'm alive.

To recent college grads out there, do yourself a favor and take the first (legit) opportunity that comes, because you never know how bad things really are until you can't even get a job that your over qualified for. I'd say the usual, “Don't graduate college,” but you have to leave sometime. If you turn out to be in a situation like mine, remember what you are grateful for.

You earned a degree, you are educated, you most likely experienced the best 4-5 years of your life thus far. However, sometimes you just have to vent, or as the title of this column indicates; ramble (or this, case, rant). Sometimes you can't help but curse, yell, and sometimes, shed a tear after trying so goddamn hard. Though, if there's one thing not to do, it's not to get down on yourself. My mother always told me to believe in myself, and I'm just now realizing how true that is. Don't wallow in self-pity; everyday, find a way, regardless of how difficult or hopeless things seem.

My advice based off of what I've learned in my recent experiences:

No matter how desperate you are, do not pay for a job. It's most likely a scam. I've had interviews at marketing companies that scream pyramid scheme.

Don't be afraid to get a crappy part-time job. Who the fuck cares if it has nothing to do with your degree? Money is money, especially in these times.

Use every single networking opportunity that is available to you. By every single networking opportunity, I literally mean every-single-networking-opportunity. That could be mean friends, friends of friends, your family, your relatives’ friends, friends of your relatives’ friends.

Think outside of the box. I remember my academic advisor telling me that she knew of an art student who made her career out of painting murals for the floors of celebrity pools; who-in-the-hell would have thought of that?

While focusing on your job search, don't be afraid to go for what you really want, AKA your true passion or dream. I recently decided to go for my passion of music and showed a song I wrote to the lead singer of an up and coming band. She liked it and said she will present it to her band at their next rehearsal. I don't know what's going to happen, but either way, it's positive.

This leads me to my last piece of advice... Stay away from negative energy, usually in the form of other people. Being around a bunch of negative people will put a damper on any amount of momentum you have. The more positive minded individuals you're around, the better. How can you begin to feel good about yourself if there's nothing but negative vibes in the air? Regardless of what doubters may say, the more positive energy, the better off you'll be.

-J.B. Hyppolite

To say interracial dating isn't as much of a taboo when compared to say, the 1950s, is an understatement. It wasn't too long ago that the mere thought of interracial dating or “miscegenation” would cause an immense amount of controversy. In fact, when it comes to today's generation you'll see more and more couples “inter-mingling.” Though, in the wasteland known as American pop culture, I've noticed that there's always a magnifying glass put on interracial relationships involving black men and white women. It's been the subject of books (check out Why Black Men Love White Women by Rajen Persaud), and movies such as Guess Who's Coming To Dinner, Save The Last Dance and most recently, Obsessed. Even in commercials for the upcoming Wayans Brothers spoof, Dance Flick, you'll see continuous references to black men and white women.

When it comes to interracial dating there is more than black men dating white women and vice-versa. I took it upon myself to investigate some real world perspectives of individuals, other than black men and white women, who have dated outside of their race. The results yielded some interesting, eye opening responses.

Chris, a 23 year-old male, primarily dates black women. Like many others who have dated outside of their race, he has experienced the rough end of the spectrum. “In public, depending on the city or where you live you can get looks from either race. If you're white you get the looks from your own people, the 'what are you doing looks,'” says Chris.

Anyone who has experienced “the look,” when it comes to interracial dating, knows how disheartening and tense it can be. Chris explains a case where he was holding hands with a black woman in Philadelphia, a place where interracial dating is common. That image evoked a negative response from two strangers in the street. “Two black dudes said she's never allowed in the hood again,” says Chris, who found the stereotypical comment funny. The woman he was with was rightfully bothered. Chris cites the fact that the people who said the comment were older and thus may not be as open to seeing interracial relationships.

On the other side there's Ambika, 22, a bi-racial woman. She hasn't experienced much, if any, negativity in regards to interracial dating. Ambika's lens isn't as color coded due to her upbringing. She claims that she hears more comments about her relatives’ sexuality than anything racial. “Our generation has really changed people's minds on things, or at least opened people's minds to new ideas,” she says.

It can be viewed that race in general is a social construct at its core, at least until we are introduced to the (intentional and unintentional) programming of society. “I remember there was a point in my life where I didn't even realize there was a difference between races. It actually lasted all the way until 7th grade. I knew there were differences in color, but I didn't know that there were differences that people stereotyped,” says Bill, 23, who further explains that when he expressed interest in black women his peers were initially shocked. “It was like, 'you like a black girl?' They couldn't get around it and figure out what I was talking about. They were like, 'so, what other girls do you like?'”

Bill reveals that the girl’s mother said that she wasn't allowed to see him anymore due to his skin color. “That's stuff is always going to happen, with all types of people,” he says. Bill speaks of his college days where he noticed some of his black friends becoming resentful towards him when they realized his dating preference. He mentions that one person hated it so much that he went as far as stealing his possessions. “I got kicked out that whole group of friendship because of it,” says Bill, laughing.

A young male, who chose to be anonymous, claims that he has experienced poor customer service while dating outside of his race. Though, when it comes to the negative connotations associated with interracial dating he feels that perhaps everything is slowly fading away. But there is one stereotype that is still unsettling. “One stereotype I've seen and heard from both men and women is that people date interracially because they want to be that other race, which I think is bullshit. You can be completely comfortable in your own skin, yet enjoy someone from a different background than your own,” he says.

When someone is repeatedly told not to do something there's always going to be curiosity. I noticed that almost every person I spoke with had no problem saying that they may have felt rebellious at one point or another when attracted to or dating someone outside of their race. There's no question that aspect may be a part of an initial attraction. If an Asian male is told by his parents not to date a Latin woman, what's going to happen when and if that male finds a compatible woman who happens to be Latina?

As far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter who you are; when you’re told not to do something, especially if the reason makes no sense, you're going to at least wonder about it and most likely end up doing it. In another example, if you feel strong about something and there's a group of people against it and you go do it anyway because you want to, there's going to be that “fuck you, it's my life” feeling.

A young woman, 20, who also chose to be anonymous, agrees with that feeling. “When I was around black people while dating someone outside of my race, I kind of felt rebellious,” she says. “Everybody does. That's what ciphers you out from the 'experimental white guy' or 'you're serious about this kind of thing,'” says Chris.

Ambika doesn't feel rebellious at all, claiming that if she did, it wouldn't be because of her partner being a different race. An anonymous male feels that sense of rebellion may be a part of the attraction, but that it always comes down to understanding any differences and realizing in the end a partner is a person.

Bill describes any feeling of rebellion as being “bittersweet.” He then went on to describe a situation. “Let's say you're the only white guy with a black girl. It doesn't matter if you're at a party with mostly white or mostly black guys. Either way, all eyes go to you,” he says. “Sometimes you get 'good' eyes but a lot of times they're not good. So yeah, you get a sense of 'yeah I'm doin' this.' Nobody wants me to, but I'm going to do this shit anyway (laughs). When all eyes are on you like that it makes you feel like that.”

When it came down to it, everyone I spoke with had something to say to people who may be hesitant for the wrong reasons when it comes to interracial dating. “If people are being hesitant because they're worried about what other people are going to think and react, then they obviously need to stop worrying about how they are perceived and just follow their heart,” says an anonymous male.

“I think we should be allowed to do whatever we want, it's a free country. They shouldn't be deterred, they should live for them,” says an anonymous female. As a society, our culture tends to cite and analyze the many differences between each other. When it comes to interracial dating, all of society’s images, stereotypes, and media outlets can form multiple outlooks and expectations.

I feel that when it comes down to it, the color lines we sometimes create for ourselves become blurred, especially when it comes to love and attraction. With our President being conceived by an interracial relationship, there's no question that at least with this generation, we don't care as much. Yet, as evidenced by comments above, we still have quite a long way to go. To anyone that reads this and can connect with these words, and especially those who still believe even the idea of an interracial relationship is inherently wrong, please remember, there's no color in a kiss.

- J.B. Hyppolite