A Million in the Morning

Gavin McInnes, host of documentary A Million In the Morning prefaced the film’s New York press screening by stating that “this apparently is the kind of movie you make that gets you fired.” Ridiculous and frightening, the best part of A Million in the Morning is the fact that it’s actually an incredibly insightful neurological experiment, in addition to being the most fucking hilarious film ever made.

Directed by Jason Goldwatch, the film follows six competitors, sponsored by Netflix, who are attempting to break the Guinness World Record for continuous movie watching. Accomplishing this feat involves not sleeping for 123 hours (five days), with judges to determine whether the competitors blink for too long, look away from the screen, or violate any other regulations. The host, or narrator of the film Gavin McInnes decides to forfeit sleep with the competitors, though he’s not confined to watching movies in a plexiglass room in the middle of Times Square like they are.

Despite having access to copious amounts of Redbull, coffee, cocaine, amphetamines, and alcohol, delirium took over and McInnes and the competitors “spent their sanity points too quickly.” After losing their ability to focus on or comprehend the movies’ plots, former “Who Wants to be a Millionaire” winner from Texas, after watching The Matrix, passionately declared “That movie was so damn stupid!” and U.S. competitive eating champion later followed up with “West Side Story is absolutely atrocious.” One of the contestants continuously requested ice to put in his pants to help him from falling asleep.

McInnes had the luxury (or misfortune) of being able to roam NYC streets, harassing random people and following them onto busses to interview them. The large majority of the time McInnes just appears to be drunk, especially when he lays down, looks into the camera, and in the voice of a five-year-old explains how he and the production crew will now be known as “the skel-ton crew. Not the skeleton crew, skel-ton crew. We’re a three-syllable gang. Skel-ton. Oh wait that’s two syllables…” There is also a pivotal moment where McInnes hurls himself out of a porta-potty, throws himself down on the floor and proclaims “I just realized we don’t exist. And I can prove it mathematically” and proceeds to do so (his theory actually deserves a tiny bit of merit).

A Million in the Morning is the perfect blend of science, professional cinematography, “Adult Swim” and Youtube humor, and in the end two contestants break the Guinness record, and Gavin McInnes can finally go to sleep. After his painful but noble mental journey, he leaves us with these parting words: “Thank you very much for tuning in, and good luck with your abortion.” Well said, Mr. McInnes, well said.

*A Million in the Morning is not playing in theaters, but you can purchase the DVD and watch clips on the film's website amillioninthemorning.com

- Lindsay Sturm